Thoughts- rough- on recent events.

Before the latest shooting, I was already thinking about making a blog post on everyday misogyny.  I was upset over the recent comments over She-Hulk. I won’t get into the controversy, it is easy enough to find online. I just want to start with two main points:

1)   The men in question called She-Hulk a “slut” merely because she was drawn with large breasts. They admitted to be completely unfamiliar with the comics and based purely on her sex appeal, she was a slut.

2)    One of these men came out and said it a poorly worded attempt to call out sexism in comics by discussing how women are drawn in comics.

Let those two things sink in. A woman is a slut because she has a physical attribute men find sexually appealing. That’s it.  Men will desire her so she must be easy. Period. If men are drawn to her she must be giving it up. However, by doing so, (mind you, nothing but her breasts is being used to determine her promiscuity) she is a lesser woman. A slut.

And this man thought he was DEFENDING women…

I’m not going to deny there are troubling elements to comics, there are, but She-Hulk is actually one of the exceptions. She is a very intelligent lawyer. Not Hulk’s (her cousin btw) sex-toy as the men implied.

But there you have it: The everyday struggle of being a woman. If a man desires you, then you must be giving it up. But you mustn’t give it up, because that’d be unladylike. But you shouldn’t say no, because that’s mean. Don’t look too attractive because that’s just an invitation, but you’d better dress up because women need to look good at all times. AAHHH.

I can remember being 13 and walking in my suburban neighborhood. Men would try to pick me up in their cars. They’d yell at me about how they wanted my body. Every day. Old men.  I was 13. 

In fact, being approached as a sex object is a part of every day life. It is routine. And we navigate as best we can. As the brilliant hashtag says: Yes, all women.

Last summer I was in a driver’s class, and a man actually told me he “needed” to touch my breasts to determine if they were real and determine their size during a coffee break.  I laughed uncomfortably and I quickly found more classmates to have safety in numbers. Did I challenge him? No. He outweighed me by over 100 lbs and was 6 inches taller. I was completely certain that if I made a big deal out of it then at the very least he would verbally assault me. At worst, well…To further illustrate the point, not that clothes matter, I was wearing baggy sweatpants and a full t-shirt with “It’s not a girl’s school without men, It’s a women’s college without boys” on it. There was nothing inviting about my dress. Just because my breasts were large he felt entitled to touch them. And I knew that I couldn’t safely react.

3 months later, the same man waited by my car in the parking lot of the grocery store …

Truth.

The manifesto by the shooter is stuff I hear ALL the time.  I have gotten threatened with gang rape for posting stuff about Climate Change. Seriously.

And I am so tired of “Not All Men”, because “Yes, All Women”

My sexuality and bodily autonomy is mine. When and if I say yes is my choice. It is not a reflection of my worth or intelligence whether I say yes or no.  Whether I am pretty or not. And attacking women for having the audacity to be attractive or the audacity to not be needs to stop. And, yes, that will need efforts on the part of All Men.