My story

When I was 22 I worked full-time at a Dept. Store. I was poor. I had no insurance.

And I became pregnant by a man I had been dating only briefly. The man who I would eventually marry, but that’s another story.

I remember how scared I was. I didn’t know what to do, but I instantly realized that for me (and only for me) abortion was not the answer. Unfortunately, many of my closest friends felt no restraint to tell me what I “should do”. Many were advising me to get an abortion, and were angry that I was against this…

When I was 8 weeks along, I woke up in agony. My bed was covered in blood…and (being truly poor) I had no phone. I crawled to the shower in terror. Eventually, my ex came home about 1 am. I had been having contractions for an hour. He called for an ambulance.

When the paramedic was taking my info, and discovered I had no insurance, she preceded to spend the entire ride to the hospital  shaming me for having the nerve to get pregnant without insurance. While I was in agony. Having birthed a child, I can tell you for certain the pain I was in was equal to that of full-term labor. This woman did not know me or the circumstances that led to me being pregnant. However, she felt duty-bound to shame me.

When I arrived at the hospital, the doctors put me on a bed in a room. Alone. For the next four hours I was ignored except for periodic checks to make sure no major problems were arising. Or to tell me to stop being a baby about the pain. Years later, the same response from me to the pain was called noble by the nurses when I had my son. The only difference in my eyes? The second time I had insurance and I wasn’t as poor.

Four hours later I was sent home. With a sheet of paper telling me to miss work. A situation that did not play well with my male boss (despite having never missed a day for the prior 18 months at that job). And he was angry that I wouldn’t tell him what I was sick with. Because it wasn’t his business.

My mother’s main concern when she found out was that it was “really” a miscarriage and not an abortion. I kid you not. Very few people I interacted with in the days prior to or after my miscarriage were concerned about my physical/emotional health. They were concerned that I got pregnant. That I had sex. And they felt that gave them the right to tell me what was right.

It was years before I could discuss my miscarriage. I chose to keep the baby, and still was shamed. I lost the baby, and was told to “toughen up.”

And I was a lucky one.

I know this.

I don’t know if the pain and trauma of this is coming through…but this is my story.