Some thoughts on silence and white privilege:

So yesterday on FB I called out the silence of so many of my progressive friends on Ferguson. Especially those friends who post political memes about feminism or the second amendment troubled me. It troubles me they remain silent when a young man’s life is taken from him for…jaywalking? Stealing cigars? One of my friends said her silence didn’t mean she didn’t care. That she’d be preaching to the choir. I think that’s the opposite of the reason most of my friends are silent, but lets assume that’s the case. Most White people are woefully ignorant about racial dynamics in America. Even deeply progressive people. Take me for example.

I was raised in a very liberal household. My Mom’s best friend is a Black woman married to a Puerto Rican man. They have a son my age, and from age 3-5 when his family moved out of state I played with him every day I was at my Mother’s. (My parents shared custody til I was 8 and my Mother moved to join her in her new state.) He was my first friend. My Mom, to my knowledge, has only dated one man since my parents’ divorce and it was a Black man. And, at least to 3 year old me, no one in my family thought this was at all abnormal. My Father was a big History buff and a big liberal. I knew about the Civil Rights movement and current (80’s  and 90’s at the time) systematic oppression. But largely due to my upbringing, I suppose, I truly at 15 believed most racism was in the past. At least overt racism.

Til I met my first boyfriend.  Who was Black.It was never serious. He was not my first love, that honor (?) belongs to a redhead who is quite possibly paler than me, but he was my first boyfriend, and dating him taught me a lot about how White People can deceive ourselves about progress when we are silent.

At 15 his race wasn’t that important to me when I talked about meeting a guy with my friends. I don’t mean racial identity is unimportant, it is, I’m just saying it was not something I thought was important when describing him to my friends. At 15, honestly, his most attractive feature was that he was cute and thought I was, too. So I told my group of friends all about him. But I never mentioned his race. Then one day I brought pics to show my friends before class. A young white friend of mine stared at the pic for a bit and said, “Is he black?” And I’m like “yeah?” Confused. Cuz first of all, it was obvious he was Black (he was fairly dark-skinned) and second “So what?” And she looked at me and said, “ I don’t approve of that.” I responded with, “I didn’t ask for your approval.” And she said, “ My parents would never let me, I can’t believe your Dad would.” I told her my Dad wouldn’t care. That was the last time we ever spoke as friends.

I remember feeling like the world imploded. If you had asked me the day before if this was possible of any of my friends, I would have said “No.” She was a part of a large, diverse group I hung with. She surprised many of us that day.  It was my wake-up call that racism was alive and well and attending my school. So, by never discussing race we can delude ourselves to believing that the world is much more progressive than it is. Just like many of these friends are shocked when men tell them we don’t experience sexism daily, many of our white friends are blinded to the bigotry POC face daily. And only by not being afraid to discuss race can we make progress. Little things can slip under the radar and infect us if we let them. White Privilege can blind us if we let it. If I had a dollar for every, “ I understand their anger but looting” I’ve seen I’d be a very rich woman indeed. But this is the subtle racism of our media that only discussing race can help us combat. We make JOKES when white boys loot over their sport’s teams winning and JUDGMENTS when POC do it as an act of rebellion over systematic injustice and a dead young man. That is freaking backwards. Again, I am lucky. I was raised by a Dad who never called the ’92 riots (which happened shortly after this) anything but an expression of justifiable anger. He thought it was sad, but explained the difference. And it’s a vital one. Little slivers of implicit bias worm their way into our everyday lives. And we can slip into WP and forget them and we mustn’t.

As a final thought: The majority of Whites don’t think the Mike Brown killing had anything to do with race. The majority of Whites trust this clearly inept and aggressive police force to investigate one of their own despite what they’ve seen on TV. These White people are friends with somebody. At least one of them is probably friends with you.

Remaining silent means nothing will change. And being uncomfortable, fearing to say something wrong is normal. But it is not allowed. For us it is an inconvenience.

For young men like Mike Brown, it is their lives.